taco soup

A few years ago I ate a bowl of taco soup at a church Halloween party. Later that night as I lay in bed trying to sleep I felt the familiar rumbly tumbly that only means one thing. Puke.

I hate throwing up. Puke. Barf. Whatever you call it. I hate it. I'm scared of how horrible it's going to feel coming out. I'm beyond grossed out that I have to kneel on the cold bathroom tile leaning over the germy toilet to feel better. The whole thing makes me sad (I usually cry and do a good deal of freaking out) and scared and I really hate it.

I'm glad I only ever had one day of morning sickness. Twice with child and only one day of puking. And that's the day I knew for sure that Cate was a girl. (Since I wasn't sick with Danny and this was something different so I was sure she was a girl and whaddayaknow? She's a girl. Bam. I'm good.) And yes, Dan, I'm sure it was morning sickness. I know the difference between ouch, my tummy hurts because i'm hungry and ouch, my tummy hurts because i need to puke. I can also feel the difference between ug, i'm puking because i have the flu and ug, i'm puking because i'm pregnant with a baby girl!

Back to the taco soup.

I puked. It wasn't pleasant. But the good part of it all is that I felt so much better when it was done. My body needed it gone and once it was, relief. 

So here's where I'm going with all this.

I had a birthday in June. I'm 39. So obviously I'll be 40 when summer rolls around again. I'm looking forward to it. The thirties have not been kind to me. Or more likely, I haven't been kind to myself. Honestly, it's all about me anyway right? I've been sad for a lot of my 30's. Sad. Worried. Lonely and why can't anyone just leave me alone! all at the same time. Overwhelmed. Underwhelmed. Struggling. Sure, I've had happy stuff. Duh. Both of my babies were born in my 30's. That was awesome. But I don't think I've been my best me for a good decade. Yuck. What a waste.

So here goes nothing. I'm going to just puke out the stuff that needs to get out so I can start 40 with some much needed relief. Just count me as another blogger who uses her blog as therapy. Whatever. I'm usually quite nervous to write about feelings because if I do then you'll know I have feelings! The horror. Then I got to thinking. Who is even reading this anyway? Mom? Dad? Dan? Wanda? Maybe one or two more. That's pretty much it. What better time to puke it all out than when nobody is looking (or reading in this case). 

I'm not promising any deep, dark secrets because I don't have many of those. Just stuff. I like this silly blog. It makes me crazy sometimes. It haunts me. Do something! Write something! Take a picture! Bake something and tell your mom and dad how many cups of flour are in those dang cookies! Would it kill you to share your feelings?! Love something! Appreciate something!

I'm not trying to be a writer. I think there's enough of those. I'm not looking for a book deal. Gag. I'm not trying to inspire. Puh-leeeeeze. I'm not begging for your comments of love and support and friendship. (I used to be upset with Dan for not commenting on my blog posts. Now I don't even want him to talk about them when I'm in the room. I'm such a weirdo.) I'm just saying it's a new year and here's my attempt at making it better than the last 9. How's that? 

As my grandma used to say, "Lump it or leave it."

To those of you who googled "taco soup" and landed here, sorry. I will never in my life eat that stuff again. You're on your own.

And to my regulars (besides Mom, Dad, Dan and Wanda), thanks. You know who you are, I know who you are and I know you like my cookie recipes. There's no denying it. 

the end

I'm a week late

Here's my nine on the ninth from last Friday. Some day I'll get my act together. I think I totally skipped February so it doesn't really matter anyway.

>>Cate woke me up bright and early to play doctor. Open your mouth. Wider. Wider. Wider. Hmmmm. It's worse than I thought. Where does she come up with this stuff? Maybe she was talking about my morning breath, not my tonsils.

>>Reese's peanut butter cereal. I don't know the real name. That's close enough. I like it. A lot. It's been for sale at Costco the last few times I've gone. I keep buying it. Oatmeal and I are on a break right now.

>>Chocolate for dessert (breakfast deserves dessert too you know) sitting on top of the strip we pulled off the Grama Bama countdown chain. She'll be here soon. Not soon enough, but soon.

>>I switched out the cookie jars. For winter I use the snowman. Winter's done. I don't really think winter was even here but I call it officially done when I switch out the cookie jars. I love this cookie jar. It was Grandma's. I think it's kind of summery because of the peaches. Right now there's Girl Scout cookies inside.

>>Talking Time with my boy. His teacher thinks he'll be ready to graduate soon. See. I told you he's a genius.

>>Taking a walk down the street to pick up Cate from her little friend's house after Talking Time. It was a nice day for a walk. We stopped by the bakery on the way home for a donut. Ever since I worked at a donut shop my senior year and ate all the donuts I wanted and gained A LOT of weight, I can't stomach the smell of the inside of a bakery that smells like donuts. I like the bread smell but the donuts kill me. I wonder if I eat too much chocolate, I'll some day not be able to stand the smell. I hope not. (See that tree behind Danny? You can see it in the movie Footloose if you look real fast. Also seen, the roof of my house. No kidding.)

>>Getting all prettied up for pictures. First time I've ever used a curling iron on her hair. It didn't curl.

>>Some afternoon refreshment on the way back to pick up the pictures. Aunt Judy kept the kids at her house so I was all by my little lonesome. I liked it a lot. I think I need more time all by my little lonesome on Friday afternoons. It's good for me.

>>5:00 snack of slightly thawed berries on my bed. Look! There's my feet! Danny stayed at Aunt Judy's house. Cate and I came home. I turned on a show for her and told her I was all done (meaning pretty please let me just go sit down and rest my weary bones for a few minutes without asking me for anything). That lasted about 10 minutes.


And now for my big time favorite picture from the day:





(Thanks to Dan for his amazing DNA and to CameraShy for the picture...and now they have bunnies. I should've waited. Dang it.)


I know, right?

The cuteness just about killed me.

Forget about where did my babies go. Where did my toddlers go?

I sure love 'em. Even when they don't give me a moment's peace to eat my slightly thawed berries and stare at my feet.

I'm sure there will be plenty of time for feet staring when they're both away at college...if I last that long.

on the seventh: kindergarten

I registered my little boy for kindergarten today.

I'll be approaching my 52nd birthday when he graduates from high school.

Let's hope time passes slowly because I'm feeling like quite an old lady today.

* * *

I'm thankful for a mom who saved my kindergarten picture.

That Holly Hobby shirt used to make me so happy. I wore it all the time.

on the sixth: sitting and swinging and coughing

Aunt Judy picked up this Sit 'n Spin for Cate at the DI on Saturday. $1.50!

Cate sat on it and said, "Look! People sit on it and they spin!" Looks like Sit 'n Spin was the perfect name for that thing.



A little friend came over to play this morning. Those girls are too cute together. They immediately started pushing doll strollers around the house, like they're just drawn to them. Cute little mommies taking care of their babies.



Ray Ray, Cate and I made a little stop at the park this afternoon. It was chilly and extremely sunny and not the least bit windy so I figured we'd be ok. It was all Cate's idea anyway. Ray Ray was pretty happy about it too.

The park. IN FEBRUARY. I'm still not used to this weird winter stuff we're experiencing. I guess I should stop worrying about the no snow situation and just be happy about a half hour at the park on a brisk February afternoon. It could be a lot worse.

And bonus points to me for having a spare cup in the car (the big 44 ounce refillable soda kind). The park bathrooms are locked from October until April and a certain little someone needed to empty her bladder shortly after arrival. Don't worry. I carry anti-bacterial wipes. Everybody's clean.




I even had an hour of quiet time this afternoon (while both kids were awake in their bedrooms!) to work on Danny's Valentine's. He's got to take some to class on Friday so I wanted to get a head start. I only ruined 2 glow sticks when I tried to insert them into the light saber handle. You've got to be very careful with those things. No bending at all or CRACK and then they start glowing.

And then Cate started coughing.

Coughing and coughing and coughing. So much that she'd puked twice by the time Dan came home from work. It has nothing to do with playing at the park in the cold either. I googled it. Bill Nye even said so. You don't catch a cold from being in the cold. If Ray Ray gets sick too then maybe I'm wrong. Or maybe it's because he spent most of the day around Cate inside the house and he caught her germs that way.

While Dan bathed the little ones I went to Target to get some cough medicine. Looks like it's not recommended for kids under 4. Even for ages 4-6 the label says to ask the doctor first. Sheesh. While I was there I passed a guy talking to his whiny kid. I swear this is what I heard him say. "If you cry I'm not gonna let you take your inner child to bed with you." Weird right? I'm thinking he said something else but that's really what it sounded like to me. I think I need my ears checked.

* * *

I'm thankful for my cute little girl and her enthusiasm for the swings and going down the slide head first (although that one makes me extremely uneasy).

Making her happy (even if it means sitting on a cold park bench instead of folding laundry from the warmth of my own bedroom) makes me happy.


Here's hoping we all get a good night's sleep and she feels much better in the morning (or else I'm going to feel really badly about taking her to the park...even if it was all her idea).

on the fifth: wedding preparations

Cate likes to talk. To herself, to anyone who will listen, to anyone who won't listen. Talktalktalktalktalktalktalk. She's always got something to say...unless you put a cute little puppy on her lap. Then she's speechless.

Yesterday she was talking a lot about her wedding. I don't know where this came from. I don't think I've talked about my wedding recently (or any other wedding for that matter). She told Dan that she was going to her wedding and then going to her honeymoon. I have no idea where that one came from either. I'm sure she has no idea what honeymoon even means.

Last night she brought her plastic table into the front room. She flipped it over and then proceeded to balance herself on top. I asked her why she was doing that.

Her reply, "I'm getting ready for my wedding."

Oh, heaven help us. Looks like we need to have a talk about what "wedding" means because it looks like she has no idea...or does she?

I'm thankful for that silly kid.

Her imagination (and all the other crazy stuff she thinks up) makes me happy...and giggle sometimes.

* * *

And since I've spent most of the day in bed feeling cruddy, I'm thankful for a good husband who let me lay in bed most of the day.

Watching E.T. tonight made me happy. I don't understand why some people think that movie is creepy. I love it.

on the fourth: piggies and a princess

Sometimes I just don't want to get out of bed in the morning. The house is darkish and coldish and most days I'd rather stay put.

I remember one day recently when I didn't know if I could get up and do it all over again. You know the drill. All the getting of things for the little people. All the helping with stuff. All the listening to too much bickering and not enough kind, loving words.

I might have even said out loud, "Ug. I can't do this again." And then as quickly as I'd said that, a word popped into my head.

READ.

Read what? I'm sure there's lots of stuff I read throughout the day that I don't need to be reading (all those stupid blogs that just make me feel like I'm not doing a good enough job, written by those moms who pop out of bed, ready for the day!).

Read more with my kids.

That's it. We read every day. Mostly it's at bedtime or in the afternoon when our tanks seem to be running on empty and I'm just watching the clock tick-tocking away. And the kids seem to be done being around each other. And I seem to be done being around every living thing. When's dinner? When will Daddy be home? Is it bath time yet? Is it time for bed?

So when the kids woke up I told them that if I said "STORY TIME" that meant they had to stop what they were doing, run to their rooms and pick out a book to read together. Cate was thrilled. Oh, goody goody goody! She might have even hugged my leg. You'd think the poor kid is deprived or something.

We read lots of books that day. Piggies is a book that Dan and I bought when we were on a little trip to Santa Cruz the summer before Danny was born. I told him I picked out that book for him when he was still in my tummy. He smiled. And then we moved on so that I wouldn't receive any follow up questions (about the baby in my tummy stuff, not about the book)



The Paper Bag Princess is one of my favorites. It's even got a page missing. It's been loved.

Princess Elizabeth is going to marry Prince Ronald but he gets kidnapped by the dragon (after the dragon burned down the kingdom and left Elizabeth with only a paper bag to wear). Elizabeth manages to trick the dragon and get Prince Ronald freed.

He's not very nice to her though, since he's shallow and she's wearing a paper bag and all. Danny's favorite part is when Princess Elizabeth tells Ronald at the end, "You are a bum!" He deserved it. He was acting like a total bum. I think that's just the clean version of what the adult Elizabeth would have called the adult Ronald...if you know what I mean.

And then Cate climbed on the counter and kissed the book after I took a picture of it.

She's crazy.



I'm thankful that my kids like books and that we have oodles of them to read.

Reading books instead of bickering makes me happy. Pretty sure it makes my kids happy too.

on the third: talking time

Back in the quiet olden days (the ones before we had kids), I used to tell Dan that we'd end up with kids in special ed since we were both special ed teachers.

One down, one to go.

Remember how Danny had a speech evaluation done before Christmas?

Well, he qualified for services. He has his very own sparkly new IEP. Since he's not in kindergarten yet, we opted for the 60 minutes a week plan called Talking Time (instead of the 20 minutes a week plan that he'll probably do if he still needs help when school starts).

We go to class on Friday mornings. Today was his fourth time. He doesn't like to sing, which isn't good since they do a lot of the sounds and review stuff through singing.

He got picked to hold the baton and conduct the closing song today. It's a goodbye song and he's been ok to sing that one most of the times. The teacher has a bucket full of different sticks to choose from. He picked the one that looks like a big feather duster. And then the singing started.

He stood there in front of everyone (which was just 2 other kids and a mom and a dad) and turned bright red. His face was down. He didn't move. Just stood there with his feather duster up in front of him.

Man, I felt so bad for him...until the song was over and he turned around and tickled the teacher with that feather duster right on her nose! Then he started giggling. Honestly, I can't figure him out.

He's passed off his s sound (he usually has a pretty good lisp) and we've moved on to s blends. sc, st, sw, sm, sn. Those are tricky for him. Usually when he yells at Cate to stop crying or making noise or tackling him he says, "Chop it!"

Wish us luck.



Today's craft was a moose hat because the teacher read a story about moose tracks (and both those words end with s and that was the sound of the day). Look at that kid. Adorable.


I'm thankful that my boy can get the help he needs.

Bendy ears under a moose hat make me happy.

on the second: eggs and a diamond

A few weeks ago, my neighbor friend gave me a dozen eggs. Cute little brown ones. She has her very own chickens in her backyard.

I'm not sure how long eggs can last in the fridge so I figured I should do something with them...or else.

So I tried out a little something I found whilst wasting time on the computer a while back. Making perfect hard boiled eggs. You know, like the kind that don't have that gray film on the yolk. Honestly, that's the kind I'm really good at making and I didn't really know that wasn't ok.

I followed the directions and they were perfect. No gray stuff. I ate one. It was eggy. I'm not a fan of hard boiled eggs but I do enjoy trying new things (like correctly hard boiling eggs for the first time in my life).

Now I'm not sure what to do with the other 11 hard boiled eggs in my fridge. Maybe I'll devil them up.

I'm thankful for eggs (especially when I want to make brownies or cookies).

Learning new skills in the kitchen (even though at 38 I really should've already known how to make a perfect hard boiled egg) makes me happy.



Dan showed Danny a clip of Neil Diamond singing "Sweet Caroline" on his iPad yesterday. Why? I don't really know. I was away at a church meeting. I try not to question a lot of things that go on when I'm away at my meetings.

Apparently Danny enjoyed it, especially the trumpets.

Tonight the music was played again. Danny sat and watched and even tried to sing along. To Neil Diamond! He got a big smile when the trumpets came in.

Dan picked up the kids and "danced" along to the music.

I'm thankful that at least one of my children appreciates Mr. Diamond as much as the grown ups in this house do.

Taking blurry pictures of my favorite people rocking out to "Sweet Caroline" makes me happy.

on the first: sorting legos

I sat in Danny's room last night for at least and hour sorting Legos with him. I'm sad to say that I can't remember the last time I sat with him for an hour doing anything, much less something that I actually enjoyed.

You know how sometimes you sit and watch a kid show with your kids because you're trying to be a good little mommy and "bond" with them but you're actually not even "bonding" because you're just sitting there while they watch the show and you play that silly Jewels game on your phone? No? Just me? Oh, well.

Anyway, those Legos just sucked me in. I can't resist a good sort. I know they're not going to stay neatly compartmentalized for long. I get that. I couldn't help myself. I kept telling Danny how great it will be to have all the pieces separated, trying to show him all the advantages of my wicked neat freak skillz.

I think it worked. He seemed pretty excited to help me. OR maybe he was just excited that his normally negligent mother was actually sitting down with him and doing something with him and listening to him. It could be that.

He just jabbered on and on about Star Wars and this guy and that guy and which episode they're from and what this weapon is used for and isn't this cool? and wow! look at this! And I wished right then that he could just be this pleasant and happy around other people. You know, instead of the grouchy, grumpy, hangs his head and won't look at you and refuses to participate kid that he turns into. I know that's not who he is. I just wish you could see it too.

Maybe some day. I ask him why he does that and he says it's because he's shy. I can't blame him because I'm pretty much the same way (except for the head hanging). Looks like we've got some social skills to work on before kindergarten starts. The thought of my sweet little boy being the shy kid at recess that just wanders around alone makes me want to turn into the homeschooling mom. Eeeek.

My favorite compartment is that one on the bottom right. Hair and alien heads. I don't know why but that's just funny to me. And right beside it, guns. Next to that one, weapons that aren't guns. Above that one, horns, feathers and flames. See? This is fun stuff. We've got another container just like that one (saved from the Lego advent calendars) that's almost filled too. The big bin that fits under his bed now contains all the other stuff, big stuff and space ship parts and wheels and rectangular pieces and odds and ends.

I'm thankful for my Lego loving boy.

Sorting stuff makes me happy.