Tuesday, October 19, 2010

the truth about church

A bug flew in my ear during church on Sunday. A fly to be exact.

I've had bugs fly into my mouth before. It's gross but you have some control over the removal right? Spit, spit, spit and it's out. When I was eight, I rode the roller coaster at Saltair. Talk about bugs in my mouth. I think they were gnats. Swarms of them. I remember opening my mouth to scream and I got a mouthful of those disgusting critters instead. That shut me up real quick.

I think I could possibly handle getting a bug up my nose. Removal on that one is easy. Plug the other nostril and blow. Out comes the bug. At least I would hope for it to be that easy.

As soon as I figured out that a bug was in my ear (from all the really loud buzzing...oh, this gives me the heebie geebies all over again just typing this...I'm going to have nightmares), what do you think I did?

Yep. I stuck my finger in my ear! That was my first instinct. It was a bad one. Stupid, stupid me. I think I pushed that bug further in. It all happened so fast. What could I do? I pictured myself jumping up, flailing my arms above my head, swatting at my bug infested ear and screaming something along the lines of "Get it out! Get it out! Get it out!"

I was about to have a serious freak out right there in the middle of Brother Pearson's talk when that silly fly flew right back out of my ear. Call it a little miracle right there in church.

It flew over to the wall by Dan. I scooted over and whispered to him that a fly had been in my ear. He smiled. I said, "Is it that one on the wall right there?" as if he'd know. I think he just nodded. I'm not sure if he was ignoring me or what.

It's not even funny now, days later. It's still horrifying.

{That wasn't really a truth about church. Just a story I wanted to share, in case you happened to be sitting anywhere near me towards the end of Brother Pearson's talk and wondered what the heck was going on with me and my ear.}

Here's the real truth about church.

I don't love Sunday. It's not my favorite day.

I love church. Don't get me wrong. It's just that first hour that makes me end up feeling like a major failure as a parent. I'm pretty sure the rest of you have children who behave perfectly in church so you have no idea what this feels like.

I don't hear YOUR little kid yelling to your big kid during the prayer, "Danny! Fold you arms!"

I don't see YOUR kid trying to escape from the confines of the pew every Sunday.

I don't listen to YOUR kids asking for a drink of water every five minutes.

I don't. That has led me to believe that I'm the only one.

I decided this past Sunday that I was done with all the shenanigans. I know church can be difficult for a three-year-old. Sitting still for an hour is not something we practice at home on a regular basis. Maybe we should.

Anyway, this Sunday I came up with a plan. I made a sticker chart for Danny. I showed it to him before church and told him the rules. He had to earn eight stickers during Sacrament Meeting. We talked about how to earn stickers.

Sit still.

Actually sit ON the pew, not on the floor.

No trying to escape.


He even came up with one all on his own. Fold your arms during the prayer.


If he didn't earn eight stickers, no going to Kris' house for dinner later. Like the good mom that I am, I decided to just take away what he loves the most. Right now what he loves most is time with his cousin.

Just look at the two of them.

I took this picture at 8:30 yesterday morning. As soon as we got to Kris' house, Danny was up in bed with him, blanket pulled over his legs, watching Kris playing video games.

I'm pleased to report that Danny earned all eight of his stickers. Every time I added one to his chart, I gave him a thumbs up and a smile. I count it as a small victory. I'll take as many of those as I can get.

Please don't anyone tell me, "Just wait until they're teenagers." I don't want to hear it. I'd rather listen to that stupid fly buzzing in my ear again.

* * * * *

On a totally unrelated note, I put Cate in her very first pair of underwear yesterday. She then proceeded to fall asleep on her favorite chair in the front room. She woke up dry, happily sat on her Cinderella potty and did some numero uno and then went outside to play.

Then she pooped in her pants. Not three minutes later.

Once again, do not tell me this parenting stuff gets harder. I'm not prone to believing such nonsense these days.


Ireland Family said...

If you were in our ward, you would see hear my children tell each other to fold their arms, in a not totally reverent voice. You would also hear them asking for a drink every 3 minutes and you would see my 4 year old on the floor, with the almost 8 year old trying to follow quickly behind. In fact, you would feel totally successful as a parent if you lived in our ward!
Good job on earning the stickers, Danny!!

Marion said...

Most bugs can be gotten out of the ear by pouring peroxide in it. Roaches however are a tad trickier. I have been told they can not walk backwards ( will you please confirm or deny that with your dad.) so they require the doctor using skinny tool to reach in the ear and pull it out. The number of patients with bugs in ears was much higher in Alabama than it is in N cal. I dont miss those patients!
On a church note....I would much rather sit behind you and your kids....playing and being loud and entertaining then a quiet well behaved kid any day! I need some entertainment in church! Kids are the best source of it!

Arlene (CO Kid) said...

Oh, the visualizations are wonderful. You haven't been in my wards. The kids are probably 10 times as loud as yours. The parents say, "Isn't it cute that s/he is up on the stand and having a tantrum, let's just sit back here and see if s/he will come back on their own" - that kind of stuff. Your idea was wonderful. You must have formal education in child development!

You are one of my favorite moms. Ever.

Arlene (CO Kid) said...

Oh, and after reading what Marion wrote, I am going to start sleeping with earplugs. Just in case the 10 week pest control spray doesn't catch one of the buggers around her.


Ella said...

Cathy, I knew exactly what was going on with you and I felt so sorry for you! What a nightmare. I'm so glad the fly came out! That fly had problems actually. It flew back to us and was acting really loopy. I think it was on its way to his death bed so I just went ahead and killed it right then and there. I thought you'd be pleased to know it received it's punishment.

I've never sat behind your kids before (well, that I can remember anyway). So either they aren't that bad or that sticker chart really worked. I definitely need to try that. I need to remember positive reinforcement more often! I usually come up with, "If you don't be good right now I will put you on time out, alone, in an empty church room." I'm pretty sure there are parenting books out there that say not to do exactly.

I would consider last Sunday a good day for my kids. Matt only turned to me one time to say, "Church is pointless with kids."

That was before I subbed for Jane's primary class and she was HORRIBLE! I had to take her out 3 times to Matt. By the third time I had to say, "I'm serious, do NOT bring her back to me!"

Judy said...

Cathy, you don't see other parents dealing with that crap because you're too busy dealing with your own. And it definitely gets better. It's still sometimes annoying for us but the older boys only ask for a drink of water once and pretty much sit on the pew and sometimes they are a little too loud but we can just tell them to shut up and it usually works! I'm glad the sticker chart worked, otherwise Kris would've been really upset on Sunday. However, Dave did threaten him at one point that he would have to sit in his room the whole time Danny was here for dinner, so it could've been bad. I get bugs in my eyes sometimes riding my bike. That's kinda gross, but the removal is quite easy.

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