I can travel anywhere, except Cuba, and I will travel to New Zealand and walk the Lord of the Rings trail to Mordor and I will hike Mount Doom.
*******
Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffle bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?
*******
When my mother was pregnant with me they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later they discovered that I had reabsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No. I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.
*******
Reject a woman and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind – also, weak arms.
*******
Rule 17: Don't turn your back on bears, men you have wronged or the dominant Turkey during mating season. There are 40 rules all Shrute boys must learn before the age of 5. [sings] Learn your rules, you better learn your rules. If you don't you'll be eaten in your sleep! Hah!
*******
First rule in roadside beet sales, put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go “wow, I need this beet right now”. Those are the money beets.
*******
Whenever I’m about to do something, I think “would an idiot do that?” and if they would, I do not do that thing.
There's lots more where those came from.
*******
Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffle bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?
*******
When my mother was pregnant with me they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later they discovered that I had reabsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No. I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.
*******
Reject a woman and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind – also, weak arms.
*******
Rule 17: Don't turn your back on bears, men you have wronged or the dominant Turkey during mating season. There are 40 rules all Shrute boys must learn before the age of 5. [sings] Learn your rules, you better learn your rules. If you don't you'll be eaten in your sleep! Hah!
*******
First rule in roadside beet sales, put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go “wow, I need this beet right now”. Those are the money beets.
*******
Whenever I’m about to do something, I think “would an idiot do that?” and if they would, I do not do that thing.
There's lots more where those came from.
2 comments:
That is hilarious! I am going to have to show that picture to Greg.
My favorit pictures of Dan! Thank you Cathy. You have made my day!
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