Thursday, October 29, 2009

love ya, Dwight

I can travel anywhere, except Cuba, and I will travel to New Zealand and walk the Lord of the Rings trail to Mordor and I will hike Mount Doom.


Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffle bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?


When my mother was pregnant with me they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later they discovered that I had reabsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No. I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.


Reject a woman and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind – also, weak arms.


Rule 17: Don't turn your back on bears, men you have wronged or the dominant Turkey during mating season. There are 40 rules all Shrute boys must learn before the age of 5. [sings] Learn your rules, you better learn your rules. If you don't you'll be eaten in your sleep! Hah!


First rule in roadside beet sales, put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go “wow, I need this beet right now”. Those are the money beets.


Whenever I’m about to do something, I think “would an idiot do that?” and if they would, I do not do that thing.

There's lots more where those came from.


Aloha_Misty said...

That is hilarious! I am going to have to show that picture to Greg.

Glenora said...

My favorit pictures of Dan! Thank you Cathy. You have made my day!