little stinker baby butt spray and more

best freebie from the conference today:

Little Stinker Baby Butt Spray

for people who wish to "de-stinkify" their babies


thing that made me scratch my head and say HUH?:

Panga Swimwear

Check it out and tell me how I'm supposed to fix my farmers' tan by wearing that.


best thing I ate all day:

Chick-fil-A nuggets on the way home (thanks, Christina)


Looking forward to more freebies tomorrow.

Oh, yeah. And also learning stuff. That's always good.

ten things that make me nervous

(or at least just make me feel like laying on my bed and covering my face for the day like Baby Cat does)

1. Wearing skinny jeans (and I don't just mean the jeans that you used to fit into but got too fat for them and now you fit them again so you call them your skinny jeans...actual skinny jeans) to an event tonight

2. People seeing me in those jeans and thinking I'm an old lady trying her darndest to look young (but failing miserably)

3. The fact that darndest has a little squiggly line under it when I type it

4. Color enhancing my grayish roots by myself instead of having a professional do it for me

5. People coming into my backyard to pick up their kids who were over to play and having them (the grown ups, not the kids) see the disaster area of weeds and crud

6. Leaving my little darlings for the day on Saturday to go to my meeting (although they'll be in the very capable and very loving hands of their father)

7. Dirty bathrooms and the fact that we might have company on Saturday while I'm gone and they might see the dirty bathrooms (because I'm too nervous about other stuff to clean them)

8. My little darlings having bedtime on Saturday night without me (although I know their loving, capable father will do a stellar job...I'm still nervous)

9. Danny not telling my friend (who is kind enough to tend my little darlings) that he needs to use the bathroom tomorrow and having an accident in his pants

10. Being in a social situation (the event tonight and the meeting the next two days) and knowing almost nobody and looking like a big goober


And one bonus thing (that makes me happy, not nervous):

Cate pooped on the potty! She's pooped on the potty once at church but this is the first time at home. Is my daughter going to be potty trained a full year before her brother was? I certainly hope so.

dark chocolate and pomegranate

Thanks to my brother-in-law, I've recently discovered these little bits of dark chocolate heaven. I'm pretending they're vitamins. That kind of makes me feel like they're a little less evil.

Can something so good be bad for me? It's not possible, right? Right? RIGHT?

A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips. That's why I eat them quickly. And only when I'm at Judy's house. They're in her pantry.

I'm wondering if I could make some hard boiled egg dark chocolate pomegranate cookies with them.

Oh, be still my heart.

Oh, be thin my thighs (even after I finish off that bag).

ten things that make me happy

1. This kid

2. Waking up to snow on May 24th (am I the only person who doesn't love summer?)

3. Danny's reaction yesterday morning when I went into his room to tell him it was snowing "Snow! That's my favorite!"

4. Being a slow poke at planting my flowers this year and not having them be frozen to death yesterday morning

5. Finding yogurt on sale for only 25 cents each at the store on Saturday

6. Having a little girl who sat still long enough yesterday for me to paint her fingernails (makes me feel like my purpose as a mother of a daughter is really starting to be fulfilled)


7. Only one week until Danny starts summer preschool (hoping he's going to be happy about it too)

8. A new season of The Bachelorette (crossing my fingers for Chris H. and Tyler M.)

9. Buying new jeans in a single digit size (that actually made me really really really happy)

10. Having a child who actually enjoys eating dinner (although I question my judgment about feeding her saucy noodles)

potty talk

We were at Judy's house a few days ago. I was sitting on the couch downstairs (since I had already washed the dishes, made the bed and put the laundry away) waiting for the clothes in the dryer to be done. Kris and Cate were in the playroom. I wasn't sure where Danny had wandered off to. Then I heard his little voice from upstairs.

Mama, I'm going pee.

Do you need help?

No. I'm going pee all by myself.

Good job, Danny!

I'm going pee standing up.

Wow! You're awesome.

I'm going pee standing up just like you.

Then I heard the toilet lid slam down and the flush. Of course, I did not hear the the sound of running water. It's obviously too much to ask to have him actually wash his hands without a reminder.

Finished!

Then he came down the stairs. I didn't look up from the computer.

Um...a little help here.

I looked up to see pants and underwear down around his ankles. He had shuffled all the way down two flights of stairs like that. I pulled everything up where it belonged and took him to wash his hands, feeling proud that I've taught him so much (except the standing up thing...he did not learn that from watching me).

Then there's my almost two-year-old who is trying to potty train herself. One day, after sitting on the toilet (with no "success", but it was her idea to sit on it so I had to oblige), she said,

Bum. Pee. Out.

There you have it, folks. Potty training in three little words.

deep thoughts by Kenny Rogers

This performance was from many years ago, not the show on Friday. Just in case you couldn't tell. It's worth watching anyway.


Dolly Parton was on Oprah on Friday. She was there celebrating herself (and showing off her ginormous tour bus, and her ginormous plumped-up upper lip and her ginormous...ummmm...wig collection) and promoting the 25th anniversary of Dollywood. She sang a little bit of 9 to 5 with her gee-tar on her knee and the audience clapped along.

Then the curtains opened up and out came Kenny Rogers. They sang Islands in the Stream and I got choked up. Tears welled up in my eyes. Why? I have no idea. I think they just take me back to the good ol' days of my childhood. I watched the movie 9 to 5 way too many times to count. And I love Kenny's voice (and his roasted chicken too). I had to go get a kleenex when he started singing The Gambler.

After the singing, they sat down to have a little chat. Oprah asked Kenny, "So what do you like about working with her?"

He started talking about what a great person Dolly is. Then he gave his take on what you need in order to succede in showbiz. He blah blah blahed and mumbled a few incomplete sentences before he finally got around to saying this:

"We're all three people. I'm who I think I am. I'm who you think I am. And I'm who I really am. And the closer those three people are together, the longer you can last. And I think if there's an example of someone who is what she presents, it's Dolly."

I pushed rewind and listened to that again. Then I pushed rewind a few more times so I could write it down. Deep thoughts by Kenny Rogers. He's talking about succeeding in showbiz. I think it applies to succeeding in life. And by succeeding, I mean being happy.

I'm who I think I am. that chubby-cheeked, shy, awkward, insecure girl from seventh grade.

I'm who you think I am. an amazing wife, mother and friend. beautiful. talented. kind. wise. generous. funny. (did I forget anything? feel free to add to it...only the good stuff though)

I'm who I really am. a child of God.

The closer those three me's are, the longer I can last (or the happier I can be). Or maybe the happier I can be as I endure everything that comes my way. The good and the bad.

Later that night as I was laying in bed wasting time on the internet, I found this blog and read this quote:

"I want you to feel the reality of what this means, to know who you truly are. You are literally a spirit daughter of heavenly parents with a divine nature and an eternal destiny. That surpassing truth should be fixed deep in your soul and be fundamental to every decision you make." -Jeffrey R. Holland

And then I read this:


And then I realized that I have a lot of work to do to get my three me's to play nicely together.

Wish me luck!

(because I'm going to try to do it without medication and without being admitted to the looney bin...not that there's anything wrong with either of those, especially the looney bin...I bet it's nice and quiet there, with plenty of time to think)

happy birthday, pac-man

I made these cupcakes for my nephew, Ricky's birthday last summer. It was hot outside and the fondant was melting. I kind of liked it melty though. The ghosts drooped nicely off the edges of the cupcakes and everything was shiny.

Here's how I decorated the extras.


All this to show off what a wonderful cake decorator I am (toot toot...that's my own horn).

I don't think my family bought PAC-MAN when it first came out. I'm pretty sure I was a little older than 6 when we bought our Atari. I do know that when we finally did get our first gaming system, we spent $88 for it at Walmart (and by we I mean my mom). Plus, we didn't have a VCR or a microwave until I was in junior high (maybe even high school) so I know we weren't in any hurry to get the cool new stuff.

If you love PAC-MAN (and you really should), you can go to the Google homepage today and play game after game after game (like I've been doing all afternoon). What a great way to celebrate the little yellow guy's 30th birthday.

flashback on a friday: awkward teenager edition

Featuring Me

(because today feels like a good day to publicly humiliate myself)

That picture was taken with an actual Polaroid camera
(not just edited to look like it was taken with a Polaroid camera).

First Dance 1985
That means seventh grade, in the fall (I'm assuming, since I see pumpkins)

That's my friend, Rebecca. It was probably her idea to go.
I know I didn't dance with anyone.
And I'm pretty sure I didn't hate dances after this because I went to one in eighth grade too.
After that one, I did hate dances.

Here's the same picture, just zoomed in a little bit.

I'm not sure if you can tell, but I have on a sweater vest.
I remember that it was white with some kind of pink and blue pattern.
And I loved those shoes.

The best part of the outfit has to be my Swatch watch.
I had two or three.
I'm sure I chose that one because it matched my sweater vest.

See how I look at least three inches shorter than Rebecca?
That would all change in just a year and a half.
The summer after eighth grade, I lost a lot of weight and I gained a lot of inches in height.

I went from being short and chubby awkward to being tall and skinny awkward.
Oh, the joys of junior high.

Happy Friday!

talking in the truck

{this photo of Kris and Jarrett was swiped from Judy's computer while she was at work}

a conversation between Jarrett and me

Can the truck read your mind?

No. Why?

Then how does it always know where to go?

I turn the steering wheel.

Oh. Then how does it always know when to stop?

I put my foot on the brake.

Oh. I need to learn how to drive a car.

* * * * * * * *

another conversation between Jarrett and me

Thanks for driving us to school every time we need to go to school.

You're welcome.

And thanks for babysitting us.

You're welcome.

* * * * * * * *

a comment by Jarrett

I hate mirages.


* * * * * * * *

a conversation between Danny, Cate and me

me: (after giving Cate a cookie in her carseat) Are you going to be messy or clean?

Cate: Deen.

Danny: (after a huge gasp) Her knows how to talk like us!

hard boiled egg chocolate chip cookies

I've found my favorite chocolate chip cookies (other than the kind you buy at the Mrs. Field's store in the mall). I like 'em thick and chewy. None of those flat, crispy cookies for me.

This recipe is from my friend, Stephanie's blog. We went to school together, elementary on up to high school. We lost touch after graduation and now we're facebook friends. See? Facebook is good for something besides wasting the day away. It brought me to the best chocolate chip cookie recipe ever.

And yes, there are hard boiled eggs in the recipe. Kind of weird, but that's got to be what makes the cookies so good. The recipe calls for a food processor. I don't have one. Well, I do have one but it's a mini. It shreds and grates and that's about it. I used a mixer instead. It worked ok. The dough is really dry and crumbly (since there's no raw eggs to make it gooey). I think I'd like to try a food processor next time though. My birthday is coming up soon (hint hint...Dan, Grama Bama, anyone else who cares about me enough to buy me a present that I would totally love).

But wait, there's more. Today Stephanie posted a recipe for amazing hard boiled egg oatmeal toffee cookies (that's a mouthful...a really yummy mouthful). I can't wait to try them too. If there's anything I've got plenty of, it's oatmeal.

nurse nancy

Danny's Aunt Suzy gave him this book for his first birthday. He used to pick it for his bedtime story night after night. I think he liked it because it reminds him of his family. He has an Aunt Nancy (he calls her Nurse Nancy now, thanks to this book).



One of the little boys in the story is named Dan. Another little boy is named Billy (that's Danny's cousin). There's also a third boy in the story.

It wasn't until we were reading Nurse Nancy a few nights ago (for the first time in many many months) that I realized maybe Aunt Suzy knew what she was doing when she picked these books for Danny. Maybe she knew what his newest cousin would be named almost two and a half years before he was born.



The third little boy in this book is named Tom.


{insert creepy Twilight Zone music here}

potpourri

This is part of the birthday card Grama Bama sent to her favorite son-in-law last week. Truer words were never spoken.

* * * * * * *

Cate has been quite chatty lately. She sings songs to her babies. The songs usually go a little something like this: mama mama mama daddy daddy daddy baby baby baby. She can say her own name now too. She pronounces it Date, just like Danny does. I'm pretty sure her favorite thing to say is help followed by no, don't (if, heaven forbid, you actually try to help her) and then me (because what she really wanted was to do it all by herself). Oh, how I love this age.

* * * * * * *

Uncle Tony and Aunt Diane came by for a visit. Danny was treated to a healthy serving of whisker pie.

* * * * * * *

After opening his birthday gift (the Star Wars legos) from Danny last week, Dan asked, "Can I open it or do I have to go poo poo first?" Danny said, "Silly! You don't have to earn it!"

* * * * * * *

Kris and Danny were playing one afternoon. I heard Danny say, "It's finders keepers, Kris." I have no idea what he had found but apparently it was something Kris wanted. He replied, "No, Danny. It's finders givers." Nice try, Kris.

* * * * * * *

Sometimes when I exercise, I enjoy flipping through a magazine. Especially when it's Saturday evening and there's nothing good on t.v. Yesterday I picked up a copy of Vanity Fair as I headed over to my favorite elliptical machine. What a waste. It was filled with ads, ads and more ads. I saw a naked butt and a whole bunch of political mumbo jumbo. Who buys that magazine anyway? Bor-ing. It really made me wish I hadn't left my Reader's Digest at home.

* * * * * * *

We got new backyard neighbors on Friday and I'm not happy about it.


This one and another one just like him (or her or whatever). Please tell me that horse is not going to put his head right over that fence and eat my babies' fingers off. Please. Because that's what I'm afraid is going to happen. They have really big teeth (the horses, not my babies). I'm sad that my "let the kids play in the backyard without me" time has come to an end. And I'm really thinking the time has come to build an 8 foot high fence to prevent some kind of tragedy from occurring. I like my babies and I don't want any of their body parts to be eaten by our neighbors. Can you tell I'm afraid of horses?

As of this morning, they're gone. Are they on a vacation? Were the neighbors just horse-sitting for a few days? I just hope they're gone for good. I like my kids to have fingers.

* * * * * * *

I came across a comment this week that could be added to my facebook funnies.

"I do needless acupuncture for headaches and it works like a charm!"

I was kind of under the impression that acupuncture was needless, so it's good to know it actually works. Maybe the commenter meant to say needleless? Who knows. Needless to say, I got a little chuckle out of it.

* * * * * * *

I'm excited to give Grandma Olds her birthday present. It arrived this week.


It was supposed to be her Mother's Day present. I knew it might be late getting here because of the volcano so I had a back-up gift ready. Too bad we're going to have to wait until July to see if she likes it.

* * * * * * *

And last but not least, a little video (because it's been a while since I shared one).

the three little piggies

forty by forty finale

Lost: 20.5 pounds
Gained: the studly body of his youth (what a hunk!)

Lost: 22 pounds
Gained: a desire to buy a swimsuit (for the first time in 5 years)


Good-bye, Forty by Forty.

110 days
220 little packets of instant oatmeal
too many stalks of celery to count

Please pass the Ben & Jerry's.

saturday's birthday celebration

Aunt Nancy came down for a visit on Saturday for Dan's birthday. We went out to lunch at Cocolito's. The food was wonderful, as always. Danny ate a little too much and he puked. The best part of that disgusting situation was that I caught it all in my hands. I'm amazing. What can I say?

After a pleasant drive home, I put Cate down for a nap and Danny went to his room for some quiet time. Aunt Nancy and I went shopping while Dan stayed home and relaxed in a quiet house.

When Cate woke up, we were off to the bowling alley with Judy, Dave and their kids. We lucked out because it was grand opening weekend at this particular establishment. We only paid $2.00 per person and the shoe rental was free!







A good time was had by all (at least that was the impression I got). Judy was in the lead for much of the game. I'm pretty sure that's because she was bowling with the strength of a grown woman and a tiny baby. Maybe the preggy belly was helping her focus her center of gravity and that somehow helped the ball go where she wanted it to go. I don't know. That's just my theory.

Here are the final scores:

Jarrett 59
Kris 72
Danny/Cate/whoever wanted another turn 77
Dave 106
Judy 129
Dan 137
The Ultimate Bowling Champion (aka ME) 143

I couldn't even let Dan win on his birthday weekend. Sorry, Honey.

As we were leaving, the kids spotted some blow-up bouncy play things in the parking lot. The boys took off their shoes and had a blast bouncing and sliding. Cate wasn't very happy that she wasn't allowed to participate.

After a few minutes of bouncing and sliding, we came home for cake, ice cream and presents. I had a plan to make some strawberry shortcake cupcakes for the party. Dan loves angel food cake with strawberries for his birthday cake. I knew he'd probably get that at his mom's on Sunday. The cupcake recipe looked yummy so I wanted to try it. When I took the kids to the store to get the ingredients, Danny spied this chocolate cake in the bakery section. He knew Dan would love it because it had blue on it. So that's the cake Dan got. And he did get the angel food cake at his mom's the next day so it's all good.




When it was time for presents, Jarrett said Dan would like the present they bought him because it's something he and I could do in the bedroom. Huh? I already knew what the present was. Dan was probably wondering if we should send the kids out of the room before opening it. We got a pretty good laugh out of Jarrett's clue.



It turned out to be a microphone like they use on the professional wrestling shows. I guess Jarrett was remembering how Dan used to practice his pro wrestling moves on me. This is sounding kind of weird but I promise we were all fully clothed.

After the festivities were all cleaned up, Dan and I changed into our Forty by Forty clothes and took the "after" pictures. A full update will be coming tomorrow. Until then, here's a little preview.

I'm hoping...

that today turns out to be a better day than yesterday. Yesterday was not good.

that Danny decides to make today the day that pooping on the potty is no longer one of his issues.

that Cate decides to make today the day that she plays happily with Danny or by herself instead of clinging to my legs.

that the rain will go away.

that these little kids of mine can go outside to play.

that I do less laundry than I did yesterday.

that nobody asks me to anything for them today.

that I can figure out how to go to the grocery store alone.

that I can enjoy my morning oatmeal without the raisins (since I haven't figured out how to go to the grocery store alone yet this week and we're out of raisins).

that the floors will vacuum themselves.

that the dishes will wash themselves.

that the bathroom will clean itself.

that my bed will make itself.

that the parents of my newest nephew will post some new pictures of him on their blog today.

that my oldest nephew will have a great first day of his mission.

that Danny will not fall asleep at 4:30 and sleep for 2 hours like he did yesterday.

that bedtime for him tonight will be way before 10:30.

that he will learn that waking up before 7:00 the morning after he went to bed at 10:30 the night before is not ok.

that I can take a shower before 5:00 in the evening.

that I can find some time to exercise.

that the sun will shine.

that a rainbow will appear.

that I can find the end of that rainbow and catch my very first leprechaun.

that I can make him give me his pot of gold (because I could really use a pot of gold right now).

that I can be happy.


A girl can dream, right?

Now I feel like eating Lucky Charms for breakfast. They're magically delicious.

to do list: paper city vehicles

Remember the paper city I downloaded, printed, cut out, folded and happily presented to my little boy, only to have him reject my offering because the paper guys didn't have mouths (and probably because he'd rather play with his Star Wars toys than anything else)?

Well, look what I found.

{photo found here}

Paper city vehicles!

A bus. A bike. A flower delivery truck. A car. And my favorite, an ice cream truck.

Someone {I'm looking at you, Ella} please download, print, cut out, fold and present these to your little one. They're too cute not to.

Maybe I'll just make a set of them for myself.

a new cousin

a brand spankin' new baby cousin

born on the Saturday before Mother's Day

just like Dan...40 years ago

keeping my germs to myself

Cate is tickled pink.

I'm going to have to see what I can do to get a real live baby of our own around here.

nine on the ninth

playing
with the Star Wars guys Dan got for his birthday
(guess who picked out that present)

taking
a stroll before church
(wearing the fireman boots, of course)

posing
for the mandatory Mother's Day photo with my babies
(with matching necktie, hair clippie, and skirt...also mandatory)

eating
a tiny piece of a Dairy Milk chocolate bar for breakfast
(those Canadians are so clever with their candy naming skills)

helping
a forty-year-old blow out his birthday candles
(and trying not to pass out from smoke inhalation)

saying
farewell to our future missionary
(have fun in Peoria, Andrew)

bonding
with one of her five favorite girl cousins
(and doing her best to get that white dress dirty)

bothering
the cows across the street from Grandma's house
(and watching Uncle Tim stick Rusty in the trough)

meeting
the newest cousin and his perfect little feet
(are those some elegant finger toes or what?)

and a bonus picture

because holy moly, my kids are gorgeous!

flashback on a friday: birthday boy edition

and one more
(just so the in-laws can have a REALLY good excuse to hate me)

Love you, Dan!

weight control

In my search for pictures of Dan to post for tomorrow's flashback on a friday (since his birthday is Sunday and I want him to get all the attention he so rightly deserves), I came across this five day low calorie diet plan. I'm thinking it was Grama Bama's since "G. Clark" was written in a corner at the top of the page.

If only I had five more days left before the end of forty by forty...

I think my favorites are Monday's chopped banana seeds, Tuesday's glass of dehydrated water, Wednesday's bee's knees and mosquito knuckles, Thursday's boiled-out stains of an old table cloth, and Friday's lobster antennae.

Mmmmmmm. A seven ounce glass of steam sounds delicious right about now.

to do list: crayon letters

{found here}

It's Teacher Appreciation Week at Dan's school. If I were on the ball (and if I thought Dan would care about having a cute piece of framed artwork in his room...and if he had given me a little advanced notice) I would have made one of these for him.

Instead, I'm going to add it to my to do list and make some for my kids. A letter D with different shades of blue for Danny. A letter C with shades of pink for Cate, since that's what Danny says her favorite color is. She says blue. She calls everything blue so I don't think that counts. I vote pink, so pink it is.

I could even let the kiddos help me. Heaven knows, if there's one thing they're good at it's breaking crayons.