happy halloween

from the fireman and his puppy

oink oink

Little Miss You-know-who

has got

the flu...

oink oink

photo phun

Head on over to Picnik for a little bit of Halloween fun.

Look what you can do.

give your sister-in-law a feathery mask

and ghostify her husband

give another sister-in-law some ghoul eyes

and use a little bit of ogre vision on her husband

maybe give your brother-in-law some fangs and a bit of Draculan dermis

and for his wife, vampire eyes

then zombify your other brother-in-law

and stick his wife in a crystal ball

Give it a try. Have some fun at the expense of with your in-laws, too. After all, if you can't have fun with your in-laws, then you're really missing out.


p.s. Dan gave me the go ahead to publish this. If any of my subjects have sad feelings about their pictures, it's all Dan's fault. I give you the go ahead to disown him.

p.p.s. Or better yet, just go to Picnik, upload a picture of Dan and turn him into a moldy zombie with fangs, ghoul eyes and a ginormous ogre ear. If you don't have a recent picture of him, I can hook you up!

love ya, Dwight

I can travel anywhere, except Cuba, and I will travel to New Zealand and walk the Lord of the Rings trail to Mordor and I will hike Mount Doom.

*******

Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffle bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?

*******

When my mother was pregnant with me they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later they discovered that I had reabsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No. I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.

*******

Reject a woman and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind – also, weak arms.

*******

Rule 17: Don't turn your back on bears, men you have wronged or the dominant Turkey during mating season. There are 40 rules all Shrute boys must learn before the age of 5. [sings] Learn your rules, you better learn your rules. If you don't you'll be eaten in your sleep! Hah!

*******

First rule in roadside beet sales, put the most attractive beets on top. The ones that make you pull the car over and go “wow, I need this beet right now”. Those are the money beets.

*******

Whenever I’m about to do something, I think “would an idiot do that?” and if they would, I do not do that thing.


There's lots more where those came from.

good for a laugh

so far today

I rolled three garbage cans out to the curb. I was wearing my pajamas, a coat and flip flops. It was semi-dark so I don't think anyone saw my pajamas. The coat was a good choice, but not heavy enough. It was windy. The flip flops were a bad choice. The sidewalk was icy. I slipped. I knew I was going down so I threw myself forward so I'd hit the snow-covered lawn instead of the hard pavement. I biffed it good. I came inside laughing at myself and shaking snow off my arms and legs.

I shooed Danny off the kitchen counter exactly 4 times. I swear that kid is part monkey.

I ate an oatmeal raisin cookie from Costco. I would have preferred chocolate chip but I ate the rest of those yesterday.

I prepped some chicken for dinner tonight. Shocker, I know. Don't fall out of your chair when you read this, Dan.

I bathed some little hooligans. Actually, they just splashed around in the tub. Does that count as bathing them? No soap was involved.

I took a shower. That's an improvement over yesterday.

I shaved my legs in the shower. That's where I realized that when I biffed it this morning, part of my leg hit the pavement and I have some scratches to prove it. I only noticed because it hurt when I shaved over them.

I thought about baking an apple pie.

I unloaded the dryer, started the washer, switched those to the dryer when they were done and started the washer again. I'm not promising that anything will get folded and/or put away.

I drank one can of Wild Cherry Diet Pepsi.

I thought about calling the pediatrician again. I called yesterday morning about getting a flu shot for Danny. Cate had hers last month. (I'm talking seasonal, not swine.) I told the receptionist I wanted to get a flu shot for my son. She asked his age. I told her. She asked what kind of insurance I have. I told her. She asked if it was regular or CHIP. I said regular. That's when she said, "Oh, we don't have any more flu vaccine." Long pause. I was thinking she'd give me some options, maybe where I could call instead, maybe a timeline of when she thought they'd have more in. Nothing. Would her response have been different if I had given different answers? I'm going to call again this afternoon and see if I can talk to someone else. I think the lady I talked to yesterday is the not-so-nice lady from billing.

I thought about finding a new pediatrician.

I put away the dry dishes and washed the dirty ones.

I cleaned up messes from toys, play do and painting.

I gave Cate some M&M's for a snack. I figured they probably tasted better than the glob of lotion she had just put in her mouth.

I listened to these little hoodlums doing this


I hate inside days.

And still three more hours to go until nap time.

so many leaves

I raked 57,082 leaves in the backyard yesterday.
(That's just an estimate, of course. It could have been more.)

I piled them up high.

Then the four little ones proceeded to

throw them
(It's raining! It's raining!)

kick them

drive through them
(on the kid sized tractor)

jump on them

crawl through them

and eat them.
(beats me why she still puts everything in her mouth)

Then I tried to recreate my favorite fall photo shoot.

It didn't go as well as it did with her big bro.
I took exactly 2 pictures.
Here's the best one.

And then 24 hours later,
here's that same pile of leaves that Cate was so upset about.
Only this time, it's about half as big (thanks to all the wind last night)
and getting covered in the white stuff.

Danny might look miserable here. He wasn't.
He really did want to go outside with me.

See? He's happy.

Now we're off to make snow angels.
And maybe let Cate crawl around in the snow for the first time ever.
(Still no walking. Ug.)

the ruined pumpkin

Danny and I took a little stroll across the street last week to pick out a pumpkin from our neighborhood pumpkin vendor. Danny picked up several pumpkins before settling on the one we would take home. I knew he had found The One when I heard him say, "Ahhhhhh...perfect!"

The first order of business was to squash the fly that had ridden that pumpkin all the way across the street and into my kitchen.


After a warm soapy bath to remove the fly germs and a little bit of dirt, we were ready to commence carving. I asked Danny if he wanted the jack-o-lantern to have a happy face or a scary face. He said scary. I drew the face and Dan started cutting. We got all the guts removed (with a lot of help from Cate) and the pumpkin pieces cut away to reveal the perfect scary face. When all was said and done, Danny looked a that jack-o-lantern and proclaimed,

"It's ruined! My pumpkin is all ruined!"

(I think it's a lot cuter the way he actually said it.
"It wooo-winned! My dunt-din is all wooo-winned!")

Well, obviously it's ruined, right? I mean, it started out like this...


then went a little something like this...


and this...


and this...


then this...


and this...


and finally this...


and then ended up absolutely, positively, totally...

Ruined.

But the roasted seeds were divine! I let Dan have a taste and he said, "They're alright." After that comment I knew he didn't appreciate them the way I do. I ate the rest all by myself. Seeds don't have calories, right?

And here's a tasty tip for any of you roasted pumpkin seed lovers, like myself. Wash off all the gunk, spread them out on a cookie sheet and let them dry for 24 hours (or overnight if you just can't wait). Put the dry seeds into a bowl with a few teaspoons of melted butter. Spread them back out on the cookie sheet and sprinkle with salt. I roasted mine at 300 degrees for about 45 minutes. I just kept watching them to see when they were as brown as I wanted them to be.

Here's the best part (the actual tasty tip). After you take them out of the oven, sprinkle some sugar on top. Not too much. They were so good. Salty, sweet and crunchy. The perfect combination.

To Cathy's Mom

Happy Mother-in-law Day

You have the three traits
most wanted in a
mother-in-law

generous
giving
Canadian
and
2,000 miles away

I know that's four traits.
Canadian is a joke.
Who would want a Canadian for a mother-in-law?

Love,
Dan

to Dan's mom

Happy Mother-in-law Day

to the woman who is

hands down
by far
without a doubt
unequivocally
and
indubitably

the best mother-in-law

I have ever had!

a good idea in the restroom

First, a little update from yesterday. Danny woke me up at 3:00 this morning. Oh, joy. Three nights in a row. Cate puked again tonight at bedtime. Oh, joy. Three nights in a row for that one too. Dan is feeling better. Last time I checked, his temperature was a very normal 98.6. Oh, joy!

Now for the good idea...

I was at Walmart with my kiddos this morning. After about 5 minutes, Danny said he needed to use the restroom. I hurried and found it, all the while dreading the fact that Cate was going to be crawling around (16 months old and still not walking) on the filthy floor while I helped Danny take care of business.

Imagine my surprise, relief and joy when I opened the stall door and saw one of these:


Genius! I sat her down and strapped her in. She smiled for the duration of our stay in the stall. Danny plugged his ears for the duration of our stay in the stall (scared of the loud flush).

Bravo, Walmart, for a pleasant potty break!

lots of threes

Today is day three of Dan's fever and achy cruddy sickness. He came home from work on Wednesday and asked me if I thought he had a fever. I asked him if he wanted me to check with the thermometer that gets stuck in my babies' armpits or um...somewhere further south of armpits. He wasn't amused. I figured that meant it was my choice. Turns out he had a fever of 101 point something. Off to bed he went.

A few hours later we checked again. His fever had risen to 102.3. I can't remember what it was yesterday. Last time I checked tonight it was 100.5.

In the wee hours of Thursday morning, I was awoken by my little ones three times. Score 2 for Cate and 1 for Danny. This morning Danny woke up crying at 2:00. I got him settled back down and then it was Cate's turn. I was up with her for over an hour. She got so upset about being put back in her crib that she puked all over herself, her crib and the floor. I ended up getting back to sleep somewhere around 3:30.

Tonight as I was trying to get her to bed, she got upset and did it again. That's day three of her little puke fest. Monday, Thursday and Friday. She puked on Sunday too. That time it landed on my laptop. It was closed at the time, thank goodness. I won't count that in the puke fest because it wasn't at bedtime and I think she had just eaten too much. Did I mention that it happened about 30 minutes before church started? It did.

Only time will tell if this will be three in a row for the nighttime awakenings. I'm hoping it's not. I'm tired.

Danny and Cate took simultaneous three and a half hour naps this afternoon. Three cheers for them! They owed me big time and I'm glad they paid up.

Today is day three of me not cooking dinner. I've done that before so it's really not a big deal. The three non-feverish people in this household have eaten pizza three times this week. I tossed some peaches and peppers on our plates to help us feel healthyish too. I'm such a good mom.

I really hope Dan feels better tomorrow. This single mom stuff is not for me. Neither is sleeping on the couch. This is night three for that too. I don't want to catch his cruddy sickness.

Good things come in threes? I'm thinking not-so-good ones do too.

happy birthday

Today is Grama Bama's birthday. It is also Aunt Jenny's birthday. In their honor, I made birthday cookies. Stick a candle in it and you are allowed to add the word birthday in front. Pizza with a candle in it...birthday pizza. Twinkie with a candle in it...birthday Twinkie. I knew the only way I was going to get Danny to sing to them would be for it to all end with him blowing out a candle. So there you have it. Birthday cookies. (Plus, the big honkin' marshmallow on top makes the candles stand up quite nicely.)

Happy birthday, y'all! Your cookies were delicious. Wish you were here to taste them. Here's the recipe in case you'd like to.

Birthday Cookies

1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup cocoa powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened
1 cup sugar
1 large egg
1/2 cup milk
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
12 large marshmallows, cut in half horizontally
frosting

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, cocoa powder, baking soda and salt; set aside.

In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream together butter and sugar until light and fluffy, about 2 minutes. Add egg, milk and vanilla; beat until well combined. Add reserved flour mixture; mix on low speed until combined.

Using a tablespoon or 1 3/4 inch ice cream scoop, drop onto ungreased baking sheets, about 2 inches apart. Bake until cookies begin to spread and become firm, 10 to 12 minutes.

Remove baking sheets from oven and place a marshmallow, cut side down, in the center of each cookie, pressing down slightly. Return to oven and continue baking until marshmallows begin to melt, 2 to 2 1/2 minutes. Transfer cookies to a wire rack to cool completely before frosting.

Spread about 1 tablespoon of frosting over each marshmallow, starting in the center and continuing outward until marshmallow is covered.

Makes about 24 cookies.

(To make them live up to their name, add sprinkles and a candle.)

some fall fun

Highlight of the evening for me:

Danny's reaction upon entering the haunted house
(not especially haunted and not even a house)

Hey! Get me outta here!

how to thnore

...with a lithp.



And no, he does not have a mustache. That's residue from the strawberries he had for lunch.

Ricky's song

Cousin Ricky and Baby Cate
October 17, 2008

Last week I popped in the CD for the soundtrack to the movie O Brother, Where Art Thou? while I was driving around in the car with the kiddos. Danny kind of got one of the songs stuck in his head and wanted to hear it over and over again. It's called In the Highways. In the movie, it was sung by a trio of little girls.

For reasons unbeknownst to me, Danny has dubbed it Ricky's song. Maybe because the girls were little kids when they sang it and Ricky's a little kid too? I don't know. Almost every time Danny listens to it, I hear his little voice from the back seat, "Wicky ginging dat gong." I just nod and keep on humming. We took a little Sunday drive last week and I think we listened to Ricky's song 20 times in a row.

Well, I made the mistake of singing Ricky's song while I was washing the dishes one day. Danny came running into the kitchen and exclaimed,

"No, Mama! You dan't ging dat gong! You ah NOT WICKY!"
(No, Mama! You can't sing that song! You are NOT RICKY!)

For now, I'm actually thankful there's no functioning CD player in the truck. If I had to listen to that song 20 times a day, I might just drive right off the highway and into the hedges.

Here's a little video I found of some kids singing along to Ricky's song. I couldn't find one of the original little girls singing it so this will have to do.

just because

...they're so dang cute

and even cuter when they're wet,

and to prove that he can listen and obey once in a while

(That open mouth is her kissing back.)

And mostly just because I'm a show off.